I hate you grief.
Your cruel and uncaring.
It’s almost a year.
Eight more days.
You’ve poked at me this week.
Reminded me constantly.
I know how long it is since I lost her.
Since I lay beside her.
I have had our grand daughter today.
I brush her hair and sing nursery rhymns
Telling her of her two nanny’s adventures.
She goes home with her dad and I get in my car and head out in the rain.
I’m meeting friends in the next village.
Your there waiting as I pass the old collery
Hunched craftilly waiting in the shadow of the derilict pit head.
Like one of those police traps covered in nails
You make me stop my car and pull over.
There is a screaming a howl from the depths of my soul.
Almost 365 days
It’s raining . Pouring the mist covers the mountain tops like grey cotton wool.
I miss you I sob into the air of this dimension knowing you hear me on the astral.
Not one of my family has ever asked how I am.
Don’t they know that
I’m lonely without you
I miss you.
For fucks sake I shout
Everyone always thought u was the strong one
They were wrong
My strength was you.
The rain runs down my windscreen cars wizz past the layby
Get a grip I tell myself
Grief flows like the rain
As it turns to drizzle
I catch my breath
Please stop for just awhile .
I dry my eyes
Take a deep breath and keep going.
It’s the only option I have