This is a short recording of a poem I performed for stand up to racism it’s called Dandelions.
Lost in a crowd
Like a small boat at sea.
Heard but not listened to
Inside a storm with no key.
Seen but invisible.
Like the astral plane
Silent screams behind convincing smiles
Tears fall like rain.
Sleepless eternal nights
Exhausted long days.
Hiding the sadness
Hoping for better days.
Wanting to fix things
But scared it can’t be.
For I am a wondering warrior
That no one can see.
Cancer was the catalyst that founded our friendship
Without it we wouldn’t have met.
A soul midwife I expected someone nursey maybe serious.
That Joolz is exactly what I didn’t get.
You came into my room like morning sunlight.
Bringing me life’s energy love and fun.
We made plans for things I’d like to do exactly my way.
Talked of my life and all that I’ve done.
I’ve shed a few tears, but we’ve laughed so much.
If it needs saying I know I can say anything to you.
Complete unconditional acceptance it’s not just a ‘job’ to you.
You’ve walked along a path I found scary
Gone before me with what to expect.
Taken worry from myself and my family.
Always treated us with love and respect.
You have a way of just fitting into families.
Into a Joolz shaped space we weren’t aware was there.
To make plans to reassure, take me to magical planes
I’d never even dreamt of before
Now when sleeping I dream of new adventures.
The wonderful places and things I haven’t yet seen.
You’ve given me the courage to go further explore without feeling frightened.
My eternal friend
Soul midwife Earth angel who needs no wings.
I know that as I leave you will be there waving and cheering me on to adventures new.
As you go on in life as a soul midwife to others know I’ll be around to cheer you on too.
Inside my head is where they rush.
Demanding to know
What was the name of the hand cream used by my mam when I was a kid
In a green tub, remember it had a tight lid?
It smelled of earth and was greasy too.
And if penguins had feet not flippers would they need shoes?
What was the name of the lad at school?
42 years ago the one who.broke all off the rules
Do I have a pen? I forgot to write
The recipe for curry Mike asked me for it, you know mam the one that I like..
Did I turn off the light the one in the yard?
What was the name of the film. with bridges that Clint Eastwood stared?
Is there palm oil in the vegan buscuits I bought?
Is that the cat banging the flap with a mouse that she’s caught?
Did I remember to shut down the damper on the coal fire?
If this rain doesn’t stop soon the river will get higher.
My hubby can sleep on an old washing line.
I might as well get up it’s almost quarter to five!
I wish I could banish the thoughts in my head
Or leave them downstairs with the cat.
While I sneak off to bed.
Women are from Venus Men are from Mars.
I get that.
There really is nothing more powerful than a circle of women .
Strong, unbreakable, inspiring and much more
Women’s best friends are stronger often than blood.
Or at least that’s my experience.
Women’s friends often know them better than their partners .
They are the duct tape that hold each other’s lives together.
How do men manage without that?
I have a few close women friends and I know without doubt they have my back and I have theirs
Free thinkers, poets, dreamers, rebels, square pegs hippys women who walk barefoot and arnt afraid to be exactly who they are.
Make no excuses take no prisoners. Who dance in the rain.
Honest funny, loving. Passionate
I love you
I am truly blessed.
It’s six am I’ve done three loads of washing, emptied the dishwasher fed the cats and the geese put washing on the line lost my cup of tea twice
The September sun is shinning it’s a beautiful day.
I’m picking up my mother and father in law at nine taking them to hospital father in law is being admitted nothing serious.
You see I joke with my hubby I tell him he got me to come back to Wales under false pretenses.
He promised me a family a Mam and Dad .
That was fourteen years ago.
His mother is four foot f@@k all and scared the shit out of me.
No one was good enough for her boys. Typically Welsh mammy.
They should write mammy on the police cars in Wales there would be no trouble!
So back to my story some English woman was never going to cut it for Nancy’s boy.
I tried everything. But she was vile she was cutting critical so I left her to it.
Always encouraged my hubby to call.
Then nine months ago his father became I’ll and suddenly she changed!
She refares to me as her daughter. I was slightly scared wondering how long it would last.
But here we are.
The universe listens
So Nancy is alot older so am I .
But we are family
I’m taking Mam and Dad to hospital.
Saying something so simple makes me so happy.
Now where are my car keys 😊
Sometimes I’m still there.
A smell, a taste, a song.
Catapulted at the speed of light.
Flick of a switch.
A blink of an eye
A tactile cine film begins.
It’s running inside my head in high definition
I’m suspended in time.
Back in time.
A prism of light of dark of terror.
A different dimension a parallel world.
It will always be there never very far away.
Operating on a different frequency
Like an old valve radio slightly out of tune.
Then that something, anything turns the knob,
Adjusts that channel pulls the two dimensions together
Past and present become one
Jolting me back into the nightmare
Silently I’m screaming but I know that no one can hear me.