Stillborn still Loved

I didn’t get to wake every morning and kiss your precious tiny face;
or whisper mammy loves you to make you feel safe
I was never allowed to hold you tight
when you couldn’t sleep at night
I didn’t get to sing to you a sweet lullaby,
to calm you down when you cried
I didn’t get to fall asleep with you in my arms,
all swaddled in a crochet blanket to keep you snug warm
I didn’t get to hear you laugh and giggle
or see you little tiny baby toes wiggle
There are many things I didn’t get to do,
But my tiny still born but still loved babies mammy never stopped loving or remembering you

Digital wizard and end of leafleting

I can turn my hand to most things practical, D.I.Y jobs if you show me how to do something I’ll have a go. Tecnical stuff not so.

Like computers like most folk I can find my way around the internet (saying that thinking about the enormity of the web makes my head hurt! It’s like some endless digital universe)

I blog lots use word ect but that’s it.

Oh and shop!

Years ago I ran my own business when my children were small advertising was in local paper, and leaflets which my kids were bribed to put through doors on the estate. If you were posh you had business cards ..

Needless to say I didn’t have cards.

Scraps of paper and a bird. How things have changed.

Anyway my point is all of these simple things were enough so my “business marketing”

Was simple done for me by me.

Time Hop thirty years..

Like the film back to the Future.

Local papers are on line..

The only leaflets I seem to get are pizza delivery and political crap which goes straight in the log burner basket with the kindling.

We run Ravens retreat

Canalside cottage we do Therapies healing , workshops.

The point is I now can’t rely on leaflets and local rag mags.

Looking for something

Ask 20th century oricle GOOGLE. (I’m sure Google is actually god)

If you write things the right way he puts you to the top of his list!

If your not in there no one finds you.

Where do I start with this.

My dear friend Julie Rosser runs The Healing Room in Llangan just outside of bridgend (if you are local to this area look her up! )

https://healingroom.wales/

She’s amazing healer, reflexology, Reiki teacher.

After chatting to her she tells me of a local guy who designs web sites and does digital marketing. (What witchcraft is this?)

I’ve glazed over as I have no clue about how any of this works.

Let me tell you now it costs a substantial amount more than getting 500 leaflets printed for the estate.

But the clue is in the ww of www. World wide..

So I hand over the last of my savings for this bespoke web site. Then three months running costs after launch.

Then I wait.

This week I get a call from Stewart to go up to check site and finalize design

So off I go over to tolbot green

Meet up with a lovely guy who speaks another language of all things web..

I don’t know what I expected but a ordinary office in a smart business centre. Desk and laptop was where he was at.

We had originally decided on 22 pages (in my head 22 leaflets 🙈)

But apparently I now have 51

This man is a modern day wizard.

Who knew you can do so much online. (Not me)

Buy vouchers, book appointments, which then sync to your Google calendar.

Buy items in a shop Blog ( I like this bit)

Trying to explain to me how Google “crawls over key words to get your services to the top of searches couldn’t have been an easy task but I think I get the idea.

The graphics are amazing to be fair the whole thing is.

There is even a events page. (Banners see I was listening!) and a link to Julie’s healing room and the Malindi centre in West Wales.

The best bit I don’t have to bribe the kids to post them through prefab doors on the estate!

As Peter Kay would say it will be out there on the estate through that tinternet!

So if you need a web site.
Look up Stewart Jones. His website is at

https://jazzdigital.uk

and you can email him sj@jazzdigital.uk or call him on 07494 192019

Surprisingly normal looking guy in a normal looking office but I’m sure I felt so energy shift as I left the office I caught a glimpse of a tall hat and a wand 😉

Stewart the wizard of all things digital.

Our shiny new web site will be launched at end of April just before we finish refurb on Retreat.

New beginnings exiting times

Look us up.

http://www.ravensretreat.wales

Think how many trees we saved.

True Healers

True Healers have walked a gauntlet ~

By the time someone stands before them, to receive healing ~ You can guarantee they have experienced it themselves.

If not exactly the same experience, then they feel your pain themselves,which makes it possible to help you ~

True Healers have seen things, they would never want for others to see ~
This is how Healers stand without fear. ~

Some real serious things take place, which is one reason a Healers Heart is full of Unconditional Love ~

Healers know, before you even stand before them, they already know, they feel it, emotionally, physically and Spiritually.

Their connection to other realms, have shown them everything, they have stood before some pretty nasty looking energy forms.

They have battled for your Soul. ~ The reason they keep going. ~

To help is their path. No matter how much they would simply want to stop, it is not a choice for them. ~
True Healers do not seek fame or recognition, they have no ego attached to what they do. ~
They are quiet, caring, and usually keep to themselves, so that they can breathe and rest. ~
It’s a hard road, one that shows people for who they are, so they can walk their talk. ~

Love, compassion, truth and light surround them.

When you need Healing, they appear before you.

Will you recognize them?
Will you show them Honour and Respect?

They ask for nothin more than equal exchange!!!
Be thankful they are survivors, true modern day warriors, they are of the four nations, all know from the beginning of time. ~

No judgement of others faith, because that’s what it’s all about
LOVE UNCONDITIONAL. ~

Flip flop shopping.

I missed you today.

First day of sunshine this year really beautiful weather

February who knew we are in Wales with no rain.

I think of you every day

But I hear your voice today

Loudly exclaiming SUNSHINE It’s flip flop weather!

I know you would be in the salon having your toe nails painted.

Then I’d reluctantly go flip flop shopping with you.

Lunch and coffee whilst you would ask “Do you like my nails?”

I’d roll my eyes and smile you were such a girlie girl.

I miss you Donna

Everything reminds me of you.

This week it’s flip flop.

So I’ll wear them for you.

See you soon my friend ♥️

What you don’t see.

Lost in a crowd

Like a small boat at sea.

Heard but not listened to

Inside a storm with no key.

Seen but invisible.

Like the astral plane

Silent screams behind convincing smiles

Tears fall like rain.

Sleepless eternal nights

Exhausted long days.

Hiding the sadness

Hoping for better days.

Wanting to fix things

But scared it can’t be.

For I am a wondering warrior

That no one can see.

Bare brick walls & cheese plants (child mental health)

This is a clip from a book I’m writing about a dysfunctional abusive family in the 1970s and child mental health services at that time.

Thankfully now it’s much better.

He sat at a huge oak desk
The wall behind him was bare brick
A modern clinic for 1975..
A cheese less cheese plant as wide as it was tall stood like a gangly guard in the corner
Leaves reaching out like huge ten fingered alien hands
A photograph of the man at the desk with a woman and two children my age smiling at the camera
But in the photograph he wasn’t wearing a suit like he wears when I see him sitting at the desk. He looks different in the photo. Perhaps it’s his twin brother?
I’m holding onto the sides of the blue plastic chair
Swinging my legs.
They don’t touch the ground.
The only sound is the papers he is holding as he reads silently reminding himself of my last appointment.
I count.
The leaves on the cheese plant guard.
Leaning to my left to check around the back.
Fourty two I whisper.
He looks at me over his gold glasses smiles.
“Fourty two? It’s nice to hear you speak.” He says
I feel my face flush.
Nod my head
“Leaves I say on your plant”
Do you like counting?
I nod
‘Inside my head’
I count I sing sometimes I shout but I don’t tell him that.
So he says
“How’s things been at home this week.?”
I’m listening to the breathing behind me and the faint waft of cigarette smoke
I can’t see him but I know he’s there.
His presence is palpable.
He always sits in that chair by the door
Answer the doctor he says in his gruff voice ..
I look at the photograph. On the desk.
His eyes look kind
I look back at him holding his pen and I begin to count the bricks on the wall
Shit I think as I count
Things at home are shit always .
21, 22, 23.
Talk to the Dr the voice behind me says from the chair
Tell the truth .”
I swing my legs..
41,42,43..
She’s shy says the voice again.
Not ten mins before outside in the rain the voice had reminded me to keep my mouth shut.
Mimed turning a key and throwing it away.
“If you tell them ANYTHING the will put me in jail. You will go in a children’s home and you won’t see your mammy again. ”
I looked at the doctor smiled and carried on counting
77,78,79.
Until eventually it was time to go home to my Mam.

Talk to me about things that matter.

Talk to me about what matters to you.
What is your passion?
Who influenced you growing up?
What situation makes you want to be a better person.
Tell me what makes you laugh, the tell me what makes you sad?
Who are your tribe?
Where do you fit in the world.
If there was something major you could change what would it be?
Do you have regrets?.
Do you believe in a higher being?
A god or goddess.
The source that connects all beings
Talk to me about the universe.

Watch the sun rise, then set.
Let’s watch the stars and be amazed.
Feel the wind and rain the elements that make us whole.

Walk barefoot through a forest.

Feel the heat of a camp fire, look for pictures in it’s flames
Tell me when you feel most alive

Let me see who you really are.
The spark of life that is you.
The real you.