Stillborn still Loved

I didn’t get to wake every morning and kiss your precious tiny face;
or whisper mammy loves you to make you feel safe
I was never allowed to hold you tight
when you couldn’t sleep at night
I didn’t get to sing to you a sweet lullaby,
to calm you down when you cried
I didn’t get to fall asleep with you in my arms,
all swaddled in a crochet blanket to keep you snug warm
I didn’t get to hear you laugh and giggle
or see you little tiny baby toes wiggle
There are many things I didn’t get to do,
But my tiny still born but still loved babies mammy never stopped loving or remembering you

Digital wizard and end of leafleting

I can turn my hand to most things practical, D.I.Y jobs if you show me how to do something I’ll have a go. Tecnical stuff not so.

Like computers like most folk I can find my way around the internet (saying that thinking about the enormity of the web makes my head hurt! It’s like some endless digital universe)

I blog lots use word ect but that’s it.

Oh and shop!

Years ago I ran my own business when my children were small advertising was in local paper, and leaflets which my kids were bribed to put through doors on the estate. If you were posh you had business cards ..

Needless to say I didn’t have cards.

Scraps of paper and a bird. How things have changed.

Anyway my point is all of these simple things were enough so my “business marketing”

Was simple done for me by me.

Time Hop thirty years..

Like the film back to the Future.

Local papers are on line..

The only leaflets I seem to get are pizza delivery and political crap which goes straight in the log burner basket with the kindling.

We run Ravens retreat

Canalside cottage we do Therapies healing , workshops.

The point is I now can’t rely on leaflets and local rag mags.

Looking for something

Ask 20th century oricle GOOGLE. (I’m sure Google is actually god)

If you write things the right way he puts you to the top of his list!

If your not in there no one finds you.

Where do I start with this.

My dear friend Julie Rosser runs The Healing Room in Llangan just outside of bridgend (if you are local to this area look her up! )

https://healingroom.wales/

She’s amazing healer, reflexology, Reiki teacher.

After chatting to her she tells me of a local guy who designs web sites and does digital marketing. (What witchcraft is this?)

I’ve glazed over as I have no clue about how any of this works.

Let me tell you now it costs a substantial amount more than getting 500 leaflets printed for the estate.

But the clue is in the ww of www. World wide..

So I hand over the last of my savings for this bespoke web site. Then three months running costs after launch.

Then I wait.

This week I get a call from Stewart to go up to check site and finalize design

So off I go over to tolbot green

Meet up with a lovely guy who speaks another language of all things web..

I don’t know what I expected but a ordinary office in a smart business centre. Desk and laptop was where he was at.

We had originally decided on 22 pages (in my head 22 leaflets 🙈)

But apparently I now have 51

This man is a modern day wizard.

Who knew you can do so much online. (Not me)

Buy vouchers, book appointments, which then sync to your Google calendar.

Buy items in a shop Blog ( I like this bit)

Trying to explain to me how Google “crawls over key words to get your services to the top of searches couldn’t have been an easy task but I think I get the idea.

The graphics are amazing to be fair the whole thing is.

There is even a events page. (Banners see I was listening!) and a link to Julie’s healing room and the Malindi centre in West Wales.

The best bit I don’t have to bribe the kids to post them through prefab doors on the estate!

As Peter Kay would say it will be out there on the estate through that tinternet!

So if you need a web site.
Look up Stewart Jones. His website is at

https://jazzdigital.uk

and you can email him sj@jazzdigital.uk or call him on 07494 192019

Surprisingly normal looking guy in a normal looking office but I’m sure I felt so energy shift as I left the office I caught a glimpse of a tall hat and a wand 😉

Stewart the wizard of all things digital.

Our shiny new web site will be launched at end of April just before we finish refurb on Retreat.

New beginnings exiting times

Look us up.

http://www.ravensretreat.wales

Think how many trees we saved.

True Healers

True Healers have walked a gauntlet ~

By the time someone stands before them, to receive healing ~ You can guarantee they have experienced it themselves.

If not exactly the same experience, then they feel your pain themselves,which makes it possible to help you ~

True Healers have seen things, they would never want for others to see ~
This is how Healers stand without fear. ~

Some real serious things take place, which is one reason a Healers Heart is full of Unconditional Love ~

Healers know, before you even stand before them, they already know, they feel it, emotionally, physically and Spiritually.

Their connection to other realms, have shown them everything, they have stood before some pretty nasty looking energy forms.

They have battled for your Soul. ~ The reason they keep going. ~

To help is their path. No matter how much they would simply want to stop, it is not a choice for them. ~
True Healers do not seek fame or recognition, they have no ego attached to what they do. ~
They are quiet, caring, and usually keep to themselves, so that they can breathe and rest. ~
It’s a hard road, one that shows people for who they are, so they can walk their talk. ~

Love, compassion, truth and light surround them.

When you need Healing, they appear before you.

Will you recognize them?
Will you show them Honour and Respect?

They ask for nothin more than equal exchange!!!
Be thankful they are survivors, true modern day warriors, they are of the four nations, all know from the beginning of time. ~

No judgement of others faith, because that’s what it’s all about
LOVE UNCONDITIONAL. ~

Accidental cat

I have a cat with an identity problem.

He thinks he’s a dog.

Now I have never owned a cat before him ( Lucifer)

I was working in community mental health I went out one sunny day in May to visit a new patient.

An elderly lady who lived in a first floor flat.

Just her an her cat

We sat and chatted for a few minutes when in comes the cat.

It’s huge and as it sat down it looked like a massive triangular door stop.

Wow I say is the cat pregnant.?

She looks at me like pissed in her teacup!

“No she’s fucking not !” She hisses

“She’s doesn’t go out of the flat!”

Okay okay! 🙈

I make my excuses and leave

“see you tomorrow

I call as I shut the front door

Me and my big mouth.

I vow never to comment again on the fat triangular cat!

The day after I return.

Her mood had to improved she opens the door and I follow her upstairs she’s muttering under her breath and the smell of cat pee is so pugnent I kick myself for presuming the triangle cat has ever been out side.

She stands at the top of the stairs cigarette hanging from her mouth pointing at the bedroom door.

Your fault she says

You cursed me.

I peep around the door there on the floor by a pile of rubbish bags is the much slimmer triangle doorstop cat licking three beautiful kittens

A voice behind me says

I’m drowning them.

Oh no I say I’ll have one and I’ll find homes for the others

She’s still scowling.

I’ll pay for cat food until they can leave their mammy.

And then we can take her to be neutered.

Still she scowls

Let’s go sit down and chat.

We talk about support and help she needs and I feel her soften slightly.

I call to the shop and pick up cat food and litter and a few packets of buiscits

Take photos of the kittens and ring the pdsa to make appointment.

Over the next few weeks we got to know each other better her guard came down as I took her out shopping and to the pub for a surprise birthday lunch.

Eventually the kittens we’re ready to leave Lucifer, Lola and Ragnar

All had forever homes and the triangle cat was neautered!

Just in case she left the flat again!

I took Lucifer home to my canalside cottage.

My first cat ever

My elderly dog saffie adored him he would try to suckle her and she would lick him soon they were best friends.

When saffie and I walked down the canal

Lucifer started to follow

Where saffie went so did our cat…

If a dog barked at saffie this crazy cat would warn it off with a hiss and arched back! They were inseparable.

Last year we lost our saffie she was 14 it broke my heart.

Lucifer pined for her

Every night 7pm stood at the door by saffies lead.

So of course we still go for a canal walk .

I’m sure she about walking with us too.

Me and my beautiful accidental cat 🐈

Stormy night on the bay.

You left me on a stormy night in September 2018
9-11
loosing you will be as awfully memerable as the twin towers.
The windows looking out across Swansea bay.
A view that you loved.
The beach that you walked on many times painted toe nails and flip flops.
Drawing hearts in the sand with a stick.
Finding pictures in clouds
Paddling in the surf and throwing sticks for saffie then honey
Swansea pride in singleton park there across from the bay.
Singing to pink songs and drinking vodka cocktails.
I sit and wonder how many times we have walked there
How many sticks we have thrown.
How many coffees in take away cups
Sunsets we watched and dreams we shared
That bay holds so many memories.
The light house you loved I told you it was owned by housing association
You rang to ask if it was for rent.

It’s only right that this place you loved so much is part of today.
I have a silloette photo I took of you one summer evening standing looking at the sunset holding my granddaughter in your arms outside our favorite cafe remos.
Any excuse we would go there I’d buy us ice creams and you’d insist you didn’t like it
It’s the early hours of the morning and the stormy night intensifies.
Huge seagulls blow like paper towards the window the night is black and grey the rain comes down in sheets
A tiny glow from the light house blinks on the cliffs
Is the bay morning you leaving us too?
How many grains of sand on that beach . you often asked. As many as stars in the sky?
My random girl.
Every grain of sand and every star like every grain of me will miss you.

Twenty six hours earlier we had walked into that ward.

I’d squashed into the bed to

Hold you knowing we

Wouldn’t be leaving together

Twenty six hours later Im holding you knowing it’s the last time.
Whispering to you that its
okay to let go..
Telling you that I love you.

Your hair smelling of lush shampoo
Wet with my tears
We are surrounded by your family.
A sphere of love.

But as I feel your breathe rise and fall for the last time
I learn the meaning of heart break.
I have never felt so alone.
I promised I’d be strong.
Your faith in me was unshakable
I know your out there on the bay wind in your hair

But I don’t know how with out you

Flip flop shopping.

I missed you today.

First day of sunshine this year really beautiful weather

February who knew we are in Wales with no rain.

I think of you every day

But I hear your voice today

Loudly exclaiming SUNSHINE It’s flip flop weather!

I know you would be in the salon having your toe nails painted.

Then I’d reluctantly go flip flop shopping with you.

Lunch and coffee whilst you would ask “Do you like my nails?”

I’d roll my eyes and smile you were such a girlie girl.

I miss you Donna

Everything reminds me of you.

This week it’s flip flop.

So I’ll wear them for you.

See you soon my friend ♥️

What you don’t see.

Lost in a crowd

Like a small boat at sea.

Heard but not listened to

Inside a storm with no key.

Seen but invisible.

Like the astral plane

Silent screams behind convincing smiles

Tears fall like rain.

Sleepless eternal nights

Exhausted long days.

Hiding the sadness

Hoping for better days.

Wanting to fix things

But scared it can’t be.

For I am a wondering warrior

That no one can see.